In the movies, spies are always cool. They are so cool, even “arrogant”. That was the term used by director Jon Woo to describe his portrayal of spies. Cool adventures with all the coolest gadgets.
Yeah. But I think they aren’t cool at all. In reality they are a bunch of fruity creeps. Weasels. Sleazy peeping toms. Think: blue water ninja.
Oh?.. So you don’t know about the blue water ninja?
Well this is the image which comes to mind when I think of spies.
The blue water ninja was a lecherous hump who has become the creepy stuff of urban legends. He was this dude who obviously had some sort of sexual neurosis which compelled him to don goggles and hefty bags with duct tape in a manner which would hopefully protect him from the blue water as he would gingerly climb down inside a frequently used port-a-john in order to peep ass indiscriminately.
There for hours he would lie in wait, literally inside the toilet portion of the modern plastic outhouse, with blue water gradually seeping in through the improvised seams of his glad lock ninja suit while sewer trout swim about the nose hole of his bin liner, squishing tween his toes like melted bananas.
And go through all that just so he could catch a glimpse of your puckered sphincter before goggles are splattered.
Yay! Spies are cool like that.
They pilfer through your used coffee grounds, orange peels and tampons at five in the morning.
They tap in and listen on the phone when you talk to your mom, your doctor, your legal adviser, and your spouse.
They go to your bank and steal from your safe deposit.
They watch the camera on your iPhone when you take it to the shitter to browse the online sears catalog.
Unlike in the movies they drive like idiots. They can’t seem to find a parking spot they like until you get there but when they do decide on one they sit in the car and watch ya. Creepy.
They do anything to dismantle your support structures by slander, libel and dirty tricks. They might pretend to be a romantic interest. Or pay some street kids to rob you.
Spies are just creepy God damned weasels, thieves, gossips, liars. Just fruitcake peeping tom types.
The “Intelligence” apparatus currently has 1.6 million targeted individuals (TI) here in North America. With a budget of at least $25k anum per TI. With that many targets and that much money you would hope that some are legit like organized criminals and some bonafide terrorists. But mostly they are just well meaning Americans. They are all devils being “kept in the hole” to an over funded grudge team who is desperate to justify it’s existence. Targets are mostly business competitors and political opponents of the current administration and moreover they are enemies of Washington insiders from the special committees and counsels.
But even gangsters and terrorists go free if they support the covert ops of these goddam worthless creeps. Spies. Blue water ninjas.
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